Augustine was looking out at the pasture and wondering how all of his sheep were doing today. He loved looking out at the mountainside and smelling the fresh air every day. Today had been very chilly and his furs were not keeping him warm. He told himself that he had to toughen himself in order to survive this winter and all of the future winters. He had felt some sort of distance happening between him and the other older members of their group. This worried him but he had seen it happen with all of the older children who had successfully made it to adulthood in his group. Soon some of the children who were entering adulthood would take over for their parents and other members of the group so that their generations could enter into the future. He was excited to see who would be designated as the new leaders, but he was also sad because he did not feel as protected as he once did. He now was being challenged by the older men to prove himself to be successful in the things that he had been taught. He had been taught how to kill buffalo and other wild animals for the group and then how to salt the meat and strip them of their fur in order to make clothing. These furs that he wore were the first ones that he had made for himself. He knew that he had needed to talk to some of the other men about what he needed to change in his actions, but he was not getting along with any of them, so they made him guard the sheep for punishment. He respected them when they were gathering food for the group and when they taught him the right way so that it would not spoil. He wanted to get along with them, but everything seemed hard lately. He did not like to argue but that is all that he could seem to have with them were arguments. He did not understand why they were frustrated with him every day. He saw that some of the new men who were in line for the leadership positions would glare at him and then speak to the older members of the group. They did not speak to him about what they were bothered by, so he did not know what it was about. He tried to talk to Taggle about that situation but Taggle would not speak to him. Taggle said that more permission was needed for more conversations. Taggle was his father and their relationship had become full of anger. One of Taggle’s friends told Augustine, “Your father believes that you do not want to be accountable for your decisions and that is why he cannot talk to you.” He told Taggle’s friend that Taggle was misunderstanding what he was doing. He was worried about where this community was going to be in the future. He knew about other groups that were always threatening to take over his group and he wondered if that was a good idea. He saw all of the sheep that had to be taken care of, and he hoped that he was doing a good job caring for them thinking about the coming winter. He wanted to impress the group but felt that everything that he did was wrong. They were never impressed with him. The group was always impressed with his friends but not with him. He received more tasks from them and never received kind words. He wanted more explanation and counsel, but he was always in trouble for never asking for help. He thought he was asking for help but wanted to be tough and understand how to do everything by experiencing it. They wanted to give him the instructions that he did not need and already knew. They only wanted him to do everything their way but sometimes their ways did not make sense to him. Why would they not listen to him? He asked them to teach him about other situations, but they said that he was too young for those things. He decided that he was going to be a sheep herder because that is what they wanted for him anyway.
He hoped that his friends were doing poorly since he hadn’t been around for several days, and they had not come to see him. He liked being with these sheep anyway. They required nothing of him, and he could think of whatever he wanted to think about. The men wanted him to have only their thoughts, and he could only act as they wanted him to act. He was never free to be himself or to say what he wanted to say. He looked out nervously at some of the sheep that had started to wander off towards the creek to his left. He looked behind him to make sure that no one was coming down from the top of the mountain to the base of the mountain where he had been sitting. No one was there so he started to run towards the sheep that were wandering off. He had learned to yell at the sheep to get them to move and part the way for him to get through but sometimes they still were very slow in moving so he had to create his own path and push them out of the way. He noticed that he had to run too far to the left before getting to those sheep and he had to hurdle several of the sheep while he was yelling. The men always thought he was too undignified when he did this, and they had told him to slow down in order to pass through the ranks of the group. The old men watched the sheep differently than he did. They always stayed in the middle of the sheep so that they could control them in that way, but he liked to stay to the side of the herd so that he was out of their way when they wanted to move. He did not like being in the middle of all of the sheep because he was afraid of being trampled. He thought that doing it their way was harder to keep track of all of the sheep and he did not want to step in all of the sheep dung that they continually created. As he got closer to the sheep that were now running, he realized that one of them was one of his favorite animals. This sheep was somewhat slower than the rest of the herd and he had been one of the smallest ones when he had been born. Augustine was confused about why it had ended up all the way out here at the back of the herd. The other sheep seemed to be chasing it away trying to push it out into the creek. He was angered at this sheep for wanting to push it out of the herd. He finally got to the small sheep and grabbed it by its gruff and pushed it out of the way of the other stronger sheep. This caused that sheep to stumble forward and roll onto the ground, but he was able to get up and run back to the herd. He checked the small sheep’s legs for any weak spots to make sure that he wasn’t hurt. He remembered how he had convinced the men to keep this sheep because it was his favorite. They had told him to make sure that he did not spend extra time keeping that sheep well and in line with the rest of the herd. He had been alive for almost 11 summers and he wanted to make good decisions. He started to carry the sheep just to make sure he was out of the way of the rest of the sheep. He started to be very angry with the rest of the herd because he wanted them to help each other and not to attack and hurt each other. The older men told him that he could not name any of the sheep because they were to be used for food and clothing only, but he decided to name his favorite sheep anyway and not tell any of them about it. He decided to name him Nammy. He tied Nammy to his shoulder with one of his furs that had been dangling and moved through the herd back to the side so that he could watch them as the sun rose to the middle of the sky.
Augustine was so happy to see the sun right above him. He could feel the earth warming beneath him and he felt relieved that maybe winter was not as close as he had thought. He had remembered when they had been talking about winter, they said that it could come unexpectedly, and without warning. He tried to remember the signs that the men had talked about, out here on the tundra. He thought of what they had said to him recently and it made him sad, but he tried to feel positive about his position. He started to understand that no one from his group had visited him while he was watching the sheep, and he wondered why. He still felt that he was not ready to be on his own because he had not been alive very long, only 11 years.
He felt tingling on his shoulders and head and wondered if he was getting ill. He hoped that he would survive into adulthood despite how they had treated him. He saw a very large animal in the distance, and he could see that it was walking his way. He wondered what it was and felt very vulnerable out on the tundra alone with these sheep that had to be guided. He started yelling at the sheep to move towards him. He wished his voice could be louder, so he tried to deepen it and take in more air. He noticed, as the animal started to get closer, that it was an elephant with extremely large tusks. Behind him the air seemed to be blurry and not as bright. He wondered if the sun was switching paths. He remembered that the men said that the sun would always rise and set in the same direction. He started to stamp his foot to get the sheep’s attention. They did not want to listen to him and ignored him. He started to yell and yell and yell but it did nothing to make them listen. His sheep had always listened to him. He looked at the elephant now and it was lumbering quickly towards him and his sheep. He did not know how he was going to explain to his group about this situation. Augustine changed his mind and started to yell again at the sheep to try and push them away from him. He started to run alongside the river so they would run away from the river and go further into the tundra away from the mountain and water. He looked again at the elephant, and it was running towards the area of the tundra, exactly where he wanted his sheep to go. He started to hate this elephant! No! This is where I wanted my sheep! He tried to yell at the very large elephant to get it to go to the water, instead. The elephant looked at him and then it seemed to appear on the other side of Augustine’s sheep. The sheep started to run towards Augustine, towards the river. Augustine started to yell at the sheep to get back! He didn’t want the sheep to run through the river because they could break their legs or drown. The elephant started running towards him and zig zagged so that the sheep were kept in the group together in front of the elephant. The elephant was moving the sheep, and Augustine did not know what to do. He felt the temperature was dropping as the cold air seemed to be following the elephant. Augustine was wondering if the elephant was trying to communicate with him while he was moving Augustine’s sheep. Augustine started to worry about the cold air and wondered if winter was coming unexpectedly, with this storm of cold air.
Suddenly, the elephant was standing right in front of Augustine because he had forgotten to move while his sheep had started running into the river. Augustine heard the sheep splashing into the water, but he could not take his eyes off of the elephant. The elephant’s tusk was right in Augustine’s face, and he felt nuzzled by the elephant. He could feel his breath on his face and head. He felt covered by the warm breath of the elephant. Augustine lifted his hand to touch the elephant’s furry face. He wanted to communicate with the elephant and ask why his life was out here with the sheep and the tundra. Where had his people gone? Why did they not approve of him? Why had they not come to visit him? He was worried and wanted to ask the elephant if he knew. He heard the elephant’s voice rumbling below the surface of the earth, “They have moved on, your people have left their fires and places of meeting. Just yesterday they finished moving all of their children and placed them on their backs. I heard them talking at night, wondering where to go for their own sake. They started back to where they came from, taking the steps that they previously had taken. They want to come this way when the next season will allow. I have come to help you and to help your sheep. More people will be coming this way, and I want to place you and your sheep with another group of people for your safety.” Augustine felt himself being pushed further and further away from the middle of the tundra into the river, following his sheep. He could see that many of the sheep had made it across the rough waters of the river. He had remembered that the waters had been calm but now that the elephant had come, the river had started running more violently. Augustine started to feel panic rising up from his feet into his stomach. Worry about his sheep and himself overtook his mind. The elephant’s rumble started again, “Do not worry about where you will end up or what your people wanted you to be. Only fulfill your own expectations until another group of people can be found for you. During that time, you will learn how to survive here on the tundra. When you are old you will bring pride to your people from this adventure ahead of you. It is unknown what the tundra will bring upon you and your sheep, but I know that you will survive, Augustine. We know who you are.”
In the distance he saw his group of people in a magnified bowl of light. He saw the very same people who he had fought with during his whole life and spoken to recently walking and talking to each other. His friends were running and playing as these people walked, not even remembering that he was out here with all of the animals. One woman looked his way as if she had seen him but then she smiled and shrugged her shoulders. The elephant’s breathing became heavy, and it seemed to lumber, next to him. The elephant had sad, mournful eyes when Augustine looked at him and he knew that the elephant felt grief for him. Augustine could feel his heart starting to trust the elephant. He looked back at the group to see what was happening next, were they really leaving him alone in the great expanse? Augustine saw that they were further on in the distance and his heart fell and fear ran sharply through his head. He realized that they were moving on and he could do nothing to change it. He wanted to run to them, he imagined screaming at them that he was still out here, alone! He wondered why he was being left to take care of the sheep and why did his group not care about where he was. Why were they not coming to get him? He was not that far away! Why were the old ones not coming for the sheep? Were these sheep not important to them for anything now? The elephant said in a low voice that trembled Augustine’s insides, “Society moves on, leaving behind important and useful treasures for no reason. They decide fool-heartedly to serve themselves for themselves and each other but no one else benefits. It becomes their ruination, their curse. I will help you to find a new group of people. Kindhearted, strong people who already lead over these people on this land. Those people that you see are going that way, back to the dead land and I am pushing you this way.” The elephant looked past Augustine, to the plains and mountains. “There is safety in the mountains and in the people beyond them.” Said the elephant stoutly.
The elephant’s presence comforted Augustine, but he was so angry about his people leaving him that he wanted to reject this elephant who had just shown up. He did not want another group of people to start over with, he wanted to show this group that he was useful. He wanted them to care about him and say that he was important to them. He felt his heart being crushed by the weight of his sadness and his disbelief about his people leaving him. He did not want the elephant to know how he felt. Augustine hated this elephant for showing up and speaking to him about his failure with his people. Augustine knew he needed the elephant for instruction, and there was evidence that the elephant cared for him, and he wondered why. This made Augustine wonder if he should care for the elephant. Augustine cared for his sheep, Nammy, but he was taught to only use animals for survival, for their hides and organs. Animals were put here on earth for people to control and use. Now this elephant who just showed up in his life, just diverted his sheep into the river without his permission. This scared Augustine. He felt unprepared for this situation. He did not want his sheep to be anywhere near the other side of the river. The land was expansive and wide open. This land was unknown and seemed to have no landmarks. He had never been over the river and did not know any of the dangers that could be there for him and his sheep. His people refused to cross this large river and told all of the sheep herders to never cross over because of unknown curses that could rest upon a person for even entering the unknown expanse. He had wanted the sheep to be diverted back to where his people were. Maybe he could have caught up with them and made them understand what he really wanted and that was to make them happy and be what they wanted him to be. Now he was lost here alone in the great expanse, with this elephant who was telling him that he was going to be helped by him to find another group of people to start over with. Augustine looked at the elephant’s face again, his large eyes were still staring into Augustine’s eyes. He seemed to be wondering what Augustine was thinking and Augustine hoped that he couldn’t read his mind. Augustine felt his mind being led to understand that he hadn’t spoken at all to the elephant about his fearful confusion and the elephant had answered him without speaking out loud. Augustine became worried about how much the elephant knew about him and his thoughts. He did not want to displease this huge animal that moved his whole herd of sheep to where he had wanted them to go while Augustine could not make them move at all. The elephant’s eyes became very round, and his eyebrows furrowed at Augustine and Augustine started to fight back tears. He and the other children were never aloud to cry about any situation, not even the death of loved ones. Augustine could hear music from below the surface of the earth, and he knew that the elephant was playing a song for him, and Augustine was the happiest he had ever been, he felt loved by this elephant. Augustine knew then that the elephant had read his mind, and he was still playing a song for him. The elephant said to him, “I know that you are angry with me and that you want to hope in the presence of those people, but they have left you. You will experience grief and sadness, and this grief is what you must allow yourself to experience. I will be here to bring music to your life.”
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